Escaping the Networking Paradox and Creating Connections that Count | Tim Newman Speaks

Are you building a network that looks impressive on paper, but feels hollow in practice? Are you craving genuine professional relationships that help you grow, not just fill your contact list? In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, I tackle the paradox facing modern professionals: staying "connected" but still feeling isolated. If you’ve ever wondered why your networking efforts haven’t translated into real momentum or meaningful relationships, this episode is for you.

I dive deep into the concept of what I call the Connector Climber—a mindset and system that blends authentic relationship-building with purposeful career growth. Drawing from years as a college professor and coach, I share hard-earned insights and a practical framework designed to help you move beyond the two most common personality traps: the Connector (the selfless but stagnant giver) and the Climber (the ambitious but isolated achiever). I reveal how recognizing which type you tend toward is the first step to transforming how you build your network.

In this episode, I unpack the reasons why simply "knowing everyone" isn’t enough, and why climbing the career ladder solo leaves you stranded. You’ll hear personal stories, including my own aha moment in academia and a powerful example from a client who broke out of the connector rut to lead strategic projects.

Here’s what I covered:

• Why most professionals fall into the Connector or Climber category, and why both approaches are incomplete
• The essential mindset shift: moving from being useful to being collaborative, and the role vulnerability plays in building lasting relationships
• How to define your personal “mountain”—the specific goal that catalyzes intentional connections
• The three non-negotiable rules for becoming a Connector Climber: knowing your mountain, auditing your circle for growth-minded influences, and creating value instead of trading favors
• Practical, real-world examples of what value creation looks like, and how to frame networking conversations as mutual exchanges rather than asks
• A step-by-step challenge to help you reconnect with someone in your network with clarity and intention
• The differences between transactional and transformational relationships, and how to build a team—not just a contact list—that supports your professional climb
• Resources for further growth, including my book Connections That Count and free guides for public speakers

By the end of the episode, you’ll be equipped with a system that transforms your approach to networking—from checking boxes to sowing the seeds of true collaboration and mutual momentum. If you’re ready to build connections that actually count, this episode is your roadmap to becoming a confident Connector Climber. Thanks for listening and being part of the Speaking with Confidence community!

Chapters

• 0:38 Welcome And The Modern Paradox
• 1:20 Connectors Vs Climbers Defined
• 3:20 Hitting The Ceilings Of Each Type
• 4:52 The Connector Climber Mindset
• 6:22 Know Your Mountain With Clarity
• 8:13 Audit Your Circle With Intention
• 9:19 Create Value Not Favors
• 11:05 Sarah’s Transformation Case Study
• 12:09 One Intentional Outreach Challenge
• 14:55 Closing, Resources, And Next Steps

Transcript

Tim Newman: 0:08

Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, the podcast that helps you build the soft skills that lead to real results. Communication, storytelling, public speaking, and showing up with confidence in every conversation that counts. I'm Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turn communication coach, and I'm thrilled to guide you on your journey to becoming a powerful communicator. Think about this. You're surrounded by people, but completely alone. You have hundreds of connections, but no one you can actually call. You're building a network that looks impressive on paper, but feels hollow in practice. Does this sound familiar? This is the modern professional's paradox. We're more connected than ever, yet genuine relationships are harder to find. Most people are making one of two fatal mistakes. They're either building relationships without momentum or momentum without relationships. And both approaches eventually leave you stuck. Today we're fixing that. I'm going to show you the exact system for my book, Connections at Count, that flips the script on networking. It's not about collecting contacts, it's about cultivating collaborations. We're going to break down the two personality types that fail, and then I'll give you the single mindset shift that turns it all around. So let's diagnose the problem. After years of teaching and coaching, I see people fall into two clear categories. Recognizing which one you are in is the first step to fixing it. First, you have the connector. This is the people pleaser, the giver. They remember your birthday, they check in when you're sick, and they'll make introductions without even being asked. Connectors are the glue of any organization. But here's their fatal flaw. They're so busy holding the ladder for everyone else, they never climb it themselves. They build incredible social capital, but zero professional momentum. They hit a wall of burnout because they give without ever receiving. Their network is wide, but shallow. On the other side, you have the climber. Driven, ambitious, focused on the next promotion or the next big deal. Climbers are excellent at building momentum. They know how to get results, but their relationships are purely transactional. They see people as runs on a ladder. And eventually, they reach a point where they burn so many bridges that there is no one left to help them. They build impressive momentum but have no real relationships to sustain it. They hit a wall of isolation. I spent the first half of my career as a classic connector. I loved helping my students and colleagues succeed. But I had this moment of clarity sitting in my office after helping a former student land her dream job. She thanked me for all my support, and as she walked out, I realized I was staring at the base of a mountain I hadn't even started climbing. I was surrounded by people, but I was completely alone in my own growth. And that's the connector ceiling. The climber ceiling is just as real. I've watched talented people accelerate quickly, only to plateau because no one trusts them enough to offer the next big opportunity. Their reputation perceives them. All take and no give. The truth is both archetypes are incomplete. The connector builds community but lacks direction, and the climber builds a career but lacks community. You need both to build something that lasts. You need to become what I call the connector climber. So how do you escape this trap? It starts with a single question that changed everything for me. I was at a conference and someone asked me, You know everyone here. But who's helping you? And I had no good answer. I was so focused on being the helpful one that I never allowed myself to be vulnerable enough to actually need help. And that's the core of the mindset shift. Moving from being useful to being collaborative, from a one-way street of giving to a two-way street of mutual growth. Vulnerability is a missing ingredient in professional relationships. People don't connect with your perfect polish facade. They connect with your authentic struggles and ambitions. The connector climber mindset is about climbing the mountain with people, not just cheering from the base camp or racing past them on the summit. It's the understanding that your growth and your connections are not separate pursuits. They actually fuel each other. This requires it knowing your mountain. What are you actually climbing for? What's your purpose? And without that clarity, your networking is just random acts of kindness or aggressive self-promotion. When you know your mountain, every connection becomes intentional. And you stop asking, what can I get from this person? And start asking, what can we build together? And this shifts the entire dynamic from transactional to transformational. Instead of collecting favors, you're actually creating value. A transactional relationship is I'll scratch your back, you scratch mine. But a transformational relationship is let's build something neither of us could achieve without the other. That's the power of the connector climber. You stop seeing your network as a Rolodex, excuse me, a contact in a database, and start seeing it as a team. The old model of networking was about proximity and being in the right room. The connector climber model is about alignment, connecting with the right people for the right reasons. It's a shift from quantity to quality, from obligation to intention. And this isn't just a nicer way to operate, it's a more effective one too. Relationships built on mutual growth are exponentially more resilient and more valuable than those built on transactional exchanges. And this mindset is the foundation for everything that actually follows. So let's get tactical. How do you actually operate as a connector climber? It boils down to three non-negotiable rules. These are the operating principles that prevent you from sliding back into being just a connector or just a climber. Rule number one know your mountain. I mentioned this earlier, but let's be brutally practical. You cannot connect with intention if you're vague about your destination. Again, you cannot connect with intention if you're vague about your destination. So to be clear, I want to be successful is not a mountain. That's a foggy hill. Your mountain needs to be specific enough that other people can see it and decide if they want to climb it with you. Are you building a specific skill? Launching a product? Changing careers into a particular industry? That's your mountain. And clarity is the magnet. When you can articulate your goal with precision, you stop attracting random well-wishers and start attracting potential collaborators who share your vision or have complementary skills. This rule forces you to do the internal work first. Stop trying to network your way to clarity. Get clear, and then network. Rule two. Audit your circle ruthlessly and honestly. Look at the five people you spend the most time with. Not the five people you wish you spent time with, the actual five. Now ask a simple question. Are these people keeping me comfortable or helping me climb? You don't need to dramatically cut people out of your life. Remember, this isn't a reality TV show. But you do need to be strategic about your exposure. If someone consistently drains your energy, dismisses your ambitions, or represents a mindset you're trying to move past, you need to consciously limit that influence. Simultaneously, you need to be proactively seeking out people who are on a similar climb or who are a few steps ahead of you on a path you admire. And this isn't about using people. It's about curating an environment that fuels your growth. Your network is your environment. If your environment is filled with people who are stuck at base camp, guess where you'll stay. And rule number three, it's probably the most important. Create value, not favors. This is the death knell of transactional thinking. The old model is I'll do this for you and you owe me one. But that's exhausting to track and builds resentment. The connector climber model is how can I create a situation where we both win? Instead of asking, what can I get? You ask, what can we create? The difference is profound. A favor is a closed loop. Value creation is an open field. For example, instead of asking a contact for a job referral, a favor, you might say, I'm exploring how my skills and data analysis could apply to the healthcare sector. I notice your company is innovating in that space. Would you be open to a 15-minute chat where I could ask you a few questions about the landscape? I'd be happy to share the trends I'm seeing from my perspective as well. Now you see that shift? You're not just taking, you're offering a different perspective. You're framing the interaction as a mutual exchange of insights, not a one-way extraction. And this makes people want to help you because they feel like a participant in your journey, not a resource to be mined. Let's give you another real world example. I had a client. Let's call her Sarah. Sarah was stuck as a connector in a mid-level marketing role. She was great at her job and loved helping her teammates, but she was invisible to leadership. She decided to apply these rules. First, she got clear on her mountain. She wanted to move into a leadership role focused on brand strategy. That was her specific mountain. Second, she audited her circle and realized she was only having coffee with peers at her same level. So she started to intentionally reaching out to directors in other departments. But here's how she applied rule number three. She just didn't ask for career advice. Before each meeting, she'd prepare one insight about their department's public-facing messaging that she thought was particularly strong, or one suggestion based on her external perspective. She went into the conversation as a fellow thinker, not a subordinate, asking for help. And within six months, she was leading a cross-departmental project and was on the radar for the next strategic role that opened up. She created value, and then that value created momentum. This system transforms your relationships from transactional to transformational. Remember, transactional relationships are brittle. They break when the exchange is unbalanced. Transformational relationships are resilient. They grow stronger through collaboration because both people are invested in a shared outcome. That's the connector climber advantage. You're not building a network, you're building a team. But this theory is useless without action. So I'm going to give you one challenge to start this week. Just one. Don't try to overhaul your entire life. Master this first step. Your challenge is to reconnect with one person in your network with intention, not obligation. Intention. Here's exactly what to do. Pick one person who is on a mountain adjacent to yours. Maybe they're in a role you admire or they're working on a project that aligns with your interests. Then send them this message. You can even copy it verbatim verbatim. Hey, put their name in. I was thinking about your work on whatever specific project or role they're doing. And it's really impressive. I'm currently focused on State Your Mountain, such as developing my leadership skills in project management. And your approach has been inspiring. I'd love to hear what you're learning through the process. Would you be open to a quick 15-minute chat sometime next week? No agenda, just curious to learn from your experience. Do you see what that message does? It's specific. It complements their actual work, not just a generic you're great. It states your mountain, which makes you seem focused and intentional. And it frames the request as a learning opportunity, not an ask for a favor. And this is how you activate your network. You're not just checking a box, you're planting a seed for a collaborative relationship. The immediate impact of this small shift is that it changes the energy of your interactions. You stop feeling like you're bothering people and start feeling like you're building bridges. This one conversation could lead to a piece of crucial advice, an introduction, or simply the confidence that you're not climbing alone. This is the essence of being a connector climber. It's a series of small intentional actions that compound over time. You stop seeing your career as a solo climb and start seeing it as a team expedition. Your network becomes your greatest asset, not because of how many people are in it, but because of how deeply you're connected to the ones who matter. That's how you build connections that actually count. That's the system. Stop just being a connector or just a climber. And start being a person who builds relationships and momentum together. If you want the full framework with all the stories and tools, get my book, Connections That Count: How to Transform Your Network into Influence, Leadership, and Career Growth. It's on Amazon now. Your network isn't just who you know, it's who helps you grow. Go make a connection that actually matters. I want to thank you all for supporting me in growing the Speaking with Confidence community. I will continue to create content that is packed with value to help you grow and build your confidence. If there is something in particular you'd like me to cover, please reach out to me and let me know. That's all for today. Remember, we're looking for progress, not perfection. And be sure to visit the speaking with confidence podcast.com to get your free ebook, The Top 21 Challenges for Public Speakers, and How to Overcome Them. You can also register for the format for public speaking to us. Always remember, your voice has the power of change. We'll talk to you next time. Take care.